25th June 2012; Monday
School resumes today. My 3 weeks of holiday wasn't well-spent. I had 5 reports to do and to make things worse, i have no idea how to tackle them at all.
Its currently 7:55pm, the sky is dark and its so windy. Can't help but to ponder over my life. Seriously, what do I exactly want in life? Ever since the first day of school, I knew i had made the wrong choice. Applied chemistry with pharmaceutical science wasn't what I wanted. I should have followed my interest; Baking & Culinary Science in TP.
I shouldn't have the mentality that : Oh this course confirm no future one, TP is so far away etc etc etc.
What really matters is the interest isn't it.
& I was such a coward, because I scored a 10 points for my L1R4, and the course I wanted was 16 points, i don't even dare to put that choice in one of my 12 choices, because I was so afraid i would really end up there ( ALTHOUGH I WANTED THAT COURSE SO BADLY ).
Yes, before you judge, i chose my current (cb) course because of my future. Just think about it, at the end of the day, it all boils down to that one piece of paper ; THE CERTIFICATE.
Without that piece of paper, it brings you nowhere!!
But after having spent the past 2 and a half months in my course, I realise i have 0% of passion for it. Really, 0%. ZERO FUCKING PERCENT. I force myself to go to school every single day, I force myself to study for tests. I FORCE MYSELF TO FACE THE FACT THAT I AM IN APPLIED CHEMISTRY WITH PHARMACEUTICAL SCIENCE.
-Give me a min to dry my tears of agony-
Ok done. In my course, I have to do laboratory work (WHICH I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT, since secondary school), and not only that, THE REPORTS ARE THE ONES THAT FUCKING KILLED ME. The ones that made me wanna hit my head against the wall.
Actually I don't mind studying for something which I have no interest in, but this is really . fucking . tough
And everyone in my class is so damn bloody smart?! I really don't know what to do man..
If i really can't even enter a god damn university in Australia after I graduate ( i hope that day arrives asap, tomorrow? ), i will just go and be an air stewardess. But before that, i have to slim down first (OBVIOUSLY).
Fucking struggling with my life right now. And oh, i didn't even bother attending CCA. the people there are just pure bullshit. So cocky for what.
Wait thats out of point to what i'm supposed to write in this post.
One plus point is: I actually did not bad for my MST! :D
But that doesn't prove that I LIKE MY COURSE. I absolutely hate it to the core. A B S O L U T E L Y.
Don't get me wrong, I don't blame anyone. I only blame myself for making this foolish choice. So to those taking your o's this year, please choose your choice wisely. Don't give a shit about whatsoever future, follow your heart. Choose the course which you have absolute interest in.
ps/ I actually spent an entire hour typing this and although its so time-consuming, i actually hoped no one bother to read this because its meant to be a diary post. was just too lazy to write. I don't wanna wet my diary. (if yknow what i mean). Bye.